they give you a taste of your own medicine. They feel that the other person is ignoring them so, they decide to do some ignoring of their own in return. People use the silent treatment in many types of relationship, including romantic relationships. However, its always better to give a silent treatment rather than blow up words in anger. Although you may have done nothing wrong, your natural inclination is to wonder what you did wrong. People use the silent treatment to control the situation or conversation. We've all been hurt, I definitely get that! If they choose not to talk, we may take it personal and our sense of self-worth suffers as a consequence. © 2004-2020 Healthline Media UK Ltd, Brighton, UK, a Red Ventures Company. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each … Nobody wants to be shut out, ignored, excluded or rejected. We're happy when we can do this, we feel like we're doing something. Most of the time, the narcissist will not continue the silent treatment around other… ​Silent treatment is really childish behaviour so using it in order to be taken seriously is ridiculous and you need to be careful that you don't encourage it. He who disagrees is automatically wrong etc. Just to be clear, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight. If you wonder what a silent treatment actually is, it is nothing but the intentional act of ignoring someone for a certain amount of time. After the victim has been stonewalled, the other person is treated to a form of silence that is deafening. I was not one for resorting to violence and just because a family member resorted to violence didn’t mean that I was going to do likewise. Why do people use the silent treatment? A woman's silence denies us this and so it's a great way to hurt us further in an argument. A person should not apologize or blame themselves for another person’s use of the silent treatment, as the silence is how their partner chooses to respond. "The silent treatment is caused by a combination of hurt feelings and an inability or unwillingness to talk about them," an Oregon counselor told the Chicago Tribune. He intimated that he was especially proud of this as in some cases, he hadn’t even realised that they were arguing. Counselors call this “taking a time-out.”. For example, if someone were to punch you, the bruises can heal and the pain quickly subsides. Confrontational questions and passive aggressive behaviour, 17 Examples of passive aggressive behaviour, Understanding passive aggressive behaviour. Try to stay present and listen empathically. I have applied the silent treatment on too many occasions and this is the principle reason why. These include: In most cases, using the silent treatment is not a productive way to deal with a disagreement. Last year, I attended my friend Jamie’s wedding. The Silent Treatment can cause so much pain to the person who is being ignored and given the silent treatment. However, as they are unlikely to be a pharmacist, they have no idea how to choose the right medicine. The person who is giving the silent treatment often feels that their concerns are not being given the serious consideration that they deserve. The silent treatment may become a pattern, which hinders the ability to communicate effectively. Why are you receiving the silent treatment? Only communication can. This is the case when one person uses it to control and manipulate the other. MNT is the registered trade mark of Healthline Media. Worse, he is also giving the silent treatment to my coworkers who are also friends of mine! As cruel as physical punishment is; emotional pain hits you at an even deeper level. But some people use the silent treatment as a tool for exerting power over someone or creating emotional distance. It will help someone in an abusive relationship to: Couples who have difficulty communicating effectively may benefit from counseling. Either way it needs to be dealt with swiftly because it is one of the most unhealthy and destructive forces in any relationship. A healthy dose of communication would be far more effective. The silent treatment is often given as a form of punishment in a relationship and psychologists consider the silent treatment as a form of abuse. How a person responds to the silent treatment depends on whether or not their partner is being abusive. Why do they give friends, cousins, parents the silent treatment. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening. Have you ever been given the silent treatment and thought why don't you just tell me what's wrong?? Maybe we don’t realise that our words or behaviour are offensive or, maybe the other person is interpreting it incorrectly. However, some romantic relationships involve an unhealthy and obsessive level of…. So, when I had a problem, I would try to bottle it up because I was afraid that if I started to let it out, I would lose control of my temper and potentially become violent. Talk to a doctor, therapist, or trusted friend for help. If you have discussed your issues with the other person openly and honestly and; you feel that they are not taking you seriously, the silent treatment is unlikely to see them change. The thing with the silent treatment is that somebody who is remaining silent always looks like the victim. One of the ways that people demonstrate that they accept us is by taking the time to have a conversation with us. This lets them know that their feelings are important and valid, and it paves the way for an open conversation. For example, a person can say, “I notice that you are not responding to me.” This lays the foundation for two people to engage with each other more effectively. I always found that I had the best relationships with people who had the confidence and communication skills to sit down with me and get me talking. Learn more about verbal abuse here. Narcissists seem to get a kick out of hurting those who actually love them and have genuine feelings for them. All rights reserved. However, therapists and organizations including the National Domestic Violence Hotline do not recommend couples counseling for those in abusive relationships. Many people don’t realize the dangers of engaging in the silent treatment, which only adds to … A therapist can help the partners express their feelings so that they can resolve conflicts in a healthy way. If the person responds in a threatening or abusive way, it is important to remove oneself from the situation until they calm down. 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